Friday funday, hopefully

I think I’m going to have to knock the blogging back to three times a week. Not because I don’t have enough to say — I have more to say than you ever see. No, it’s because I can’t seem to find the time to do the posts justice. And I’m getting a little tired of the list updates. I’d rather write a bit more of substance, even if that means I write less often.

I’ll have all kinds of time to write when the kids are older. But right now, I barely have time to do this list. So starting next week, I think I’m going to scale back to twice-weekly updates. If I find more time to write, well, there will just be bonus posts.


Daily meditation. I talked to Anya last night, and she’s agreed to meditate with me every day for the month of June. I’m hoping that once we’re done, she’ll be hooked on the practice and I won’t have to beg her to join me. She seemed genuinely peaceful after last night’s session — and after the day we had (more on that later), that’s a minor miracle.

Read all the things. I meant to get us library cards yesterday, but we were derailed. It’s on the list for next week.

Family fun. We had a great dinner out after our traumatic day, and went to the park afterwards. Anya then wanted to go for a walk. Good, cheap, (mostly) healthy fun. Fun does not have to cost $100. Fun does not have to be flashy. Even if I can’t work them in on a regularly scheduled basis, I’d like us to have more evenings like that.

Write. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about writing lately. Mentally writing my novel. Mapping out what I’d like to do with this blog. And I think I’ve hit up on how I want to proceed with both. But now I need to fine-tune my voice. I’m thinking of piecing together some short essays, either on this blog or on a writing-only blog. We’ll see how that pans out.

But for now, I need to get back to work. Because I want to have a little more fun this afternoon. We need some fun, after the week we’ve had.

June’s challenge: Calm

I think I mentioned this in passing, but I have challenged myself to meditate each day for a month. I’ve decided that month should be June. I’ve got a lot going on right now (seriously, just more than I can wrap my mind around, this week alone), and that’s usually a recipe for disaster where I’m concerned.

For instance, I shout a lot when I’m stressed. And now so do the kids. I know this doesn’t make me a bad parent, or even necessarily a unique one, but I can’t help but feel I’m letting them down when they yell like that. I would like to yell less — not at all would be ideal. But first I have to lower my stress levels.

I can’t change my circumstances. No matter how things pan out in the next few weeks, life’s going to be stressful for a while. If I am to attain any chill, I’m going to have to do so despite the events in my life at present. A month of meditation would do me a world of good.

It helps Anya, too. So I’m shooting for bedtime, mother-daughter meditation sessions. A bonding activity, a sleep aid, and a coping mechanism all rolled into one. Yes, please.

Ultimately, I’m hoping to ingrain this behavior into our daily routine, so that we would no more skip meditation than we would teeth brushing. But to create a habit, first you have to start it. Consider today the first step.

Five posts in five days

Yeah, I’m kind of proud of that.

But also busy, and I promised my kids I’d take the afternoon off, so I thought I’d resurrect my Friday goal update post. Except my goals have shifted since I last wrote one of these, and I have a whole bunch of goals at the moment, so I can’t possibly write updates on each. Here’s the highlights.


Daily meditation. Though I have not started my meditation challenge, I’ve meditated every day this week. It’s helping. It also appears to be helping Anya. Still hoping I can turn this into our thing. 

Family game night. We’ve actually had a few of these. Kai has shown increasing interest in playing games. And then loses interest, because games are long and he is 2. But I am encouraged; perhaps he will be the push we need to game as a family.

Eating. Nobody is into it right now. I’m still in stressy not-eating mode. The rest of my household would rather snack. So I’m just trying to make sure we have healthy snacks for them. Meals will come later…but it may be fall.

Bedtime routine. I’m trying to steer us toward a better bedtime routine: Medicine, teeth, shower, story time, meditation, then TV. Because by the time we get to the meditation part, Anya’s falling asleep. (Kai is still napping erratically; we probably won’t get him into a regular bedtime til we fix that.) It’s a work in progress, but progress is being made.

Exercise 30 minutes per day. Not every day, but more this week than I have been. The weather’s been beautiful, though, so that’s been easy. June-August will likely be another story entirely.

Work with the kids on their letters/numbers/sounds. Anya got a wonderful report card yesterday! She went from only having mastered about half of what she was expected to know to knowing nearly all of it. This after having missed literally half the school year. I’m amazed at her resilience, and how quickly she’s learned.

She’s still struggling with speech, and her IEP report card wasn’t as wonderful as her pre-K one, but she’s doing a great job considering how many speech classes she missed. Practice is really helping. I’m also making sure some of the books we read are short and repetitive, so she becomes familiar with the look of the words, because that helps her figure out what sounds she’s missing.

Kai, too, is picking up what I’m putting down. We practice letters and numbers (which I’ve written on the shower wall in bath crayon, for visual reference), body parts (joints are hard, but he’s got the main pieces down), and I’m starting to throw some colors in there. The trick with both kids is short sessions every day. Neither of them have the patience for long lessons, but five minutes here and there makes a huge difference.

Blog regularly. Five posts in five days is serious improvement over my recent posting (non)schedule.

Rethinking how I manage my goals

I’ve been putting some thought into how I want to manage my goals. I keep seeing posts (usually written by young white dudes in startups, so grab the salt shaker) about how important it is to stop thinking and just do, but thinking is my thing. When I get impulsive, I make mistakes. Carefully thought-out steps towards a well-considered goal serve me much better.

There was a time when I did all my goal work on 43t. At one point I even had two accounts because I was doing more than 43 things, but I eventually pared it down. Then 43t closed and I moved to Popclogs, which offers an unlimited list. And now 43t is back and I have too much stuff to fit in one list again. I might have enough for three lists at this point.

For now, I will continue to use both sites. (And post touch-base updates here, because I sense a shift in how I approach goal work taking place and I want to document it.) Since I’m doing the “43 things” goal, I’ll track those items on 43t. But I have other goals I want to keep, on both sites, so anything I’ve put on 43t that’s not one of my 43 things will need to move to Popclogs.

I see myself using Popclogs for three types of goals:

  1. Immediate/housekeeping/bootcamp goals: Things like clutter purges and spring cleans, as well as working out the logistics of balancing my fledgling routines.
  2. Long-range, wish-listy goals: My “someday” list
  3. Diary-type goals: Gratitudes, rants, and everything in between.

Once this year is up, I’ll re-evaluate and see if I want to continue maintaining these lists in this way.

I’ve thought a lot about productivity in the past few years, and I’ve come to realize two things:

  1. I don’t want to limit my goals list to to-do lists and basic housekeeping tasks; I want to push myself to accomplish more.
  2. That doesn’t mean I don’t need somewhere to track my to-do lists and basic housekeeping tasks.

Also, I should add a third item: I don’t want to disregard my someday list, because while my focus is on the here and now, I think it’s good to keep some long-range goals in your peripheral vision.

So. Yes, I did just post a post about what I’m thinking I’ll post at some (as-yet-determined) point. Forgive me. Sometimes I need to think about thinking.

I am doing 43 things

Two posts in two days. Imagine that.

Actually, I’m cross-posting this from 43t; I don’t have that much free time today. And I wanted to get this stuff down so I can think about it, and write about it, and hopefully even do it.

As I think I mentioned somewhere, I want to do 43 things in my 43rd year. I’m adding the caveat that they can’t be boring things, like “spring clean my house!” or “purge my closet!” that I’ve done time and again and simply feel like I should do them to be a good person or whatever. These are things I want to do to say I’ve done them (projects), or because doing them will help me progress in other goals (challenges), or because establishing that routine will have a lasting impact on my life (habits), or simply because I want to do something nice for myself once in a while.

Some of these list items require explanation, and I’ll provide that in later posts. Which means I have plenty of fodder to help me achieve #31.

My overall goal with this list is not just to do 43 things for the sake of doing them, but to look back over this year next May and see that I’ve made progress instead of simply keeping the plates spinning. I have no illusions that this is going to be hard; as much as the kids have been sick this past year, at times everything has fallen apart, and I have had zero time and energy left over for extras. But I don’t want to look back on my life and see that I spent my time cleaning and shopping and watching TV. I want to do as much as I can with the time I’ve been given, and nurture the blessings in my life rather than squander them.

In that spirit, here’s my list of 43 things.

1 Complete an ab month
2 Complete a meditation month
3 Complete 43 things in my 43rd year

4 Be able to run a mile
5 Meditate every day
6 Exercise 30 minutes per day
7 Cook a meal using ingredients I grew myself
8 Have family dinners 4+ nights a week
9 Discover 10 healthy meal recipes the kids will eat

10 Read to the kids for 20 minutes each day
11 Help Anya with her speech 5 minutes each day
12 Work with Kai on letters, numbers, and word sounds 5 minutes a day
13 Have art time with the kids once a week
14 Introduce my kids to the library
15 Start a family heirloom collection
16 Have a weekly family game night
17 Make time for R (a monthly date night would be ideal)
18 Resume monthly family outings
19 Get married
20 Have an awesome familymoon

21 Improve my home’s curb appeal
22 Clean out the garage
23 Tidy up the deck (and nag the landlord about getting it replaced)
24 Complete my 2017 scrapbook
25 Rip my CD collection and reclaim that shelf
26 Finish Anya’s blanket
27 Complete a Duolingo course
28 Put together photos for photo books

New Habits
29 Fine-tune our morning and bedtime routines
30 Refine and expand our recycling routine

31 Blog regularly
32 Finish my NaNoWriMo book
33 Create 10 drawings I’m proud of

34 Brush up on my ID/PS/IL skills
35 Identify and take classes that will help with my career
36 Piece together sufficient freelance work/obtain full-time employment
37 Stabilize my finances
38 Put the same name on all of my credit cards
39 Put together a portfolio website

Foster Joy
40 Read one book a month
41 Grow flowers
42 Make time for friends
43 Have one do-nothing day per month

The trouble with being a goal junkie

I have a lot of plates in the air right now, but I can’t really accomplish anything big at the moment.

The wedding: Is in November. I can decide on decor, pay for the venue, start planning the honeymoon, taste cake…but I can’t do anything clothing related, work on the decor, buy supplies, or do anything tangible because it’s 6 months away.

Hobbies, writing, most anything fun: Is on hold until I sort out this issue with my thumb. I’ve been drawing, because I can at least do that with one hand. I am not a good artist. But neither was Jeph Jacques when he got started, and look at him now. Practice is everything.

Exercise: Is on the back burner. The weather has been chaotic. The children have been sick. I have had my unwell moments.

The house: Ditto all of the above. Plus when I do finally get it looking good around here, I have a crazy work day/everyone gets sick and it all goes to hell.

The yard: Is raging out of control. The rain has done hellish things to my yard.

The thing is, I’m not doing nothing. I’m just not amassing an impressive list of checks on my to-do list, so I feel like a slacker. But I’ve gotten some things done this month.

  • I’ve decided and purchased (except for the shoes and jewelry) what I’m wearing for the wedding.
  • I’ve decided how I am wearing my hair for the wedding, and have makeup ideas.
  • I’ve settled on a wedding decor theme.
  • I’ve worked on the wedding invitations.
  • Anya and I have looked at bridesmaid dresses for her, and R and I have talked about clothes for him.
  • I can, thanks to the stomach virus + the soy-induced Dexter period, fit into my wedding dress again.
  • I can also fit into a bunch of my old clothes, and have sorted my closet accordingly, making several bags for donation in the process.
  • I also sorted the toys, and made several bags for donation.
  • I’ve picked up some extra freelance work.
  • I’ve taken my kids on several fun outings.
  • Despite the vomiting and the period, I gave the kids a fun Easter.

Not bad, I don’t think, for a month in which someone has been sick almost every single day and I’ve been dealing with heavier-than-usual workloads.



Why my morning routine isn’t working

I’ve been sitting here ruminating on why I can’t get going on my morning routine, and I think I’ve hit upon the answer. (So of course I had to drop what I am doing and write about it.)

I’m trying to have a single morning as a mom.

What I’m trying to pull off would have been easy as a single person. Even when it was just me and R. In fact, it’d have been even easier than it is on my best days now, because the sink and the living room floor were always clear when I got up. I could have just done my thing.

Point is, I didn’t. Not regularly, anyway.

And now it is just not happening — at least not for a few years. This month has been no different from last month, or the month before, and next month will be more of the same. Kids will get sick. Babies will be clingy. Until they need me less, my time is not my own. Which is how it should be.

So I am conceding defeat here. Not that I don’t need to exercise, eat, and take time for myself. I do. I just need to find a way to make those things happen that better fits my life at this moment.

Just as soon as I figure out what that is, I’ll let you know.