In the immortal words of Keith Mars, I was never cool. In fact, me quoting Veronica Mars is probably the coolest part of this post.
I’m bumbling and awkward and have a hopelessly dorky sense of humor. You’ve heard of 95% of the bands I like, because they used to be played a LOT on the radio. (Probably still are, on oldies stations.) I tend to prefer mainstream movies and popular authors. My fashion sense peaked somewhere around 2004. Which is also where my hairstyle comes from, and when I purchased the majority of my shoes.
Since my daughter was born, I’ve been out of step with the world, and I am just now catching up on the music, movies, and software updates that came out in the intervening years. (Books are on my list, but further down because they require more time than I have to myself these days.) My daughter was born in 2011, so I’m now nearly 10 years behind you all. I’m the Midwest personified, without all that Republican stuff.
Speaking of the broken democracy in the room, I have strongly held opinions, but I hate to debate, so aside from the occasional FB share I keep them to myself. I also hate haggling; I have paid full price for everything I’ve ever bought. Perhaps I would feel differently about both of those things if I were more persuasive and charismatic, or at least more argumentative, but I am none of those things.
I talk to myself. A lot. It’s slightly more socially acceptable now because I have children; people assume I am talking to the kids. Sometimes I am, but not usually. My social media and this blog are also, to some extent, me talking to me. It’s how I sort things out, how I remember, and how I make room for other thoughts in my head. The rest of it’s what passes for my social life. Because I am so, so, so not cool.
The nice thing about middle age is that I’m finally completely at peace with being uncool. Somewhere between 40 and 50, we all just become ourselves. Probably because none of us are particularly cool anymore, and even the coolest among us aren’t really sure just when that happened, or how. We leave the jockeying for dominance to the younger set and just get on with things. It’s one of my favorite parts of middle age, actually.
I will never go big; I will always go home. I like it here. It is my favorite place to be.