25 things about me

Because I’m currently working on a 42-page manuscript and got absolutely no cleaning done yesterday, I’m borrowing a column idea (down to the title!) from Lorna. Again.

Things you’ve probably already figured out, if you’ve read a few of my posts: I am 43. A WAHM. Not yet married to the father of my children (that’s in the works). And trying desperately to get a handle on things. Here’s a few things you might not have learned yet.

  1. I am not a girly girl, but I gave birth to one. She is the reason I wear makeup every day. Once Kai is older, I’m going to have to start dressing nicer, too. And wearing more jewelry. I am both dreading this and kind of looking forward to it. It’s been all jeans and tees since I left the office; I kind of miss pretty clothes.
  2. I have no tattoos. Not keen on pain, and extremely germophobic. I buy jewelry the way other people get tattoos. Aside from my earrings, every piece of jewelry I wear daily has significant meaning to me. And every bit of it came from Etsy, because I like to support indie jewelers.
  3. I hope to someday be an indie jeweler myself.
  4. Other things I want to learn to do: Master several wire wrapping techniques. Play drums. Speak five languages well enough to hold a conversation. Grow a garden. Draw/paint pictures I’m proud of. Be unafraid at sharing my progress in all these things.
  5. Movies I saw at least 20 times before kids: Road House. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Some Kind of Wonderful. Pretty in Pink. Breakfast Club. French Kiss. Singles. The Truth About Cats and Dogs. (After kids, it’s pretty much all cartoons, all the time.)
  6. I am a stealth geek. Most people don’t see the geek when they look at me, but if you talk to me, it’s instantly apparent.
  7. My spirit fictional characters: Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. Lorelai Gilmore. Hermione Granger. Temperance Brennan. Most characters played by 90s-era Winona Ryder.
  8. When I was 7, I wrote my first short story. It was about a girl named Nicole. I wrote it because a classmate named Jennifer brought a book to school for show-and-tell whose main character was also named Jennifer. In the early 80s, hardly anyone was named Nicole; I knew that if I wanted a story about a girl with my name, I’d have to write it myself. So I did. Now I am extremely uncomfortable whenever I see a fictional character with my name; I’m like, “No, I am Nicole, you impostor.” But when you’re 7, there’s nothing cooler.
  9. I have more education, and more children, than I expected to have. There’s part of me that wants more of both. I’m pretty certain there won’t be any more kids, but until I die there is always the possibility that I will go back to school.
  10. Coffee used to be a way of life for me. I’ve found that the coffee buzz is too harsh for me, though, so now I’m an avid tea drinker. The caffeine is irrelevant (admittedly, I don’t feel that way at 4:30 in the morning); it’s all about the warm beverages with me. I’m drinking hot tea right now, at 3 o’clock on a scorching southern July afternoon.
  11. In addition to the coffee thing, I’ve also found that I can no longer drink alcohol. (A lasting pregnancy aversion; it all smells and tastes like poison to me now.) Which leaves me feeling a bit left out of the whole mom subculture on the internet. As does the fact that I am over 40 with (only) small children, hate reading parenting advice, feel utterly unqualified to give parenting advice, actually practice yoga in my (cheap Target) yoga pants, and enjoy the company of my kids and their father.
  12. I have never had a pet. This is largely because I am allergic to most of them, yes. But it’s also because, aside from a childhood fascination with kittens, I have never wanted a pet. The way most people act around pets is something I only ever feel towards small children. But I don’t feel comfortable admitting that in mixed company; I’ve found people are distrustful of anyone who doesn’t go gaga over animals. Animals are great, really. I just don’t particularly want to touch them, that’s all.
  13. I dabbled in several forms of artistic expression in my youth, including acting and singing. But then I found that I hate being the center of attention (still true…even at my own wedding), and my allergies preclude singing 50% of the time. But I still love to sing, and I can memorize lines and lyrics like nobody’s business.
  14. The older I get, the more of a feminist I become. And the less I am able to appreciate most love songs and love stories, because so many of them are creepy and stalker-y.
  15. I have never really compared myself to others; I’ve only ever been in competition with myself. Which means, of course, that I can always do better, and that I can never win.
  16. One of my latest obsessions, in the insomniac wee hours, is to read trivia about celebrities. Recently I learned that at the height of his bling, it took Mr. T over an hour to put on his jewelry each day. It takes me 20 minutes, from start to finish, to get ready each morning — hair, makeup, clothes, jewelry. It took him an hour to put on his jewelry. I can’t imagine wearing an hour’s worth of jewelry.
  17. I have several stories I want to write at any given moment, but my main book — the one I’ve been working on since undergrad — has become such a part of my life that I feel like my characters are real people. And I’m a bit afraid that once I finish that book, I won’t have another in me.
  18. I’m stubborn as hell. So, for example, even if I write that book and can’t come up with another, I’ll keep writing. I’ll just write something else, probably.
  19. In addition to simplifying, I’m becoming obsessed with the idea of GIGO — garbage in, garbage out, for those of you who did not take computer classes in the 80s and early 90s. (Do they even teach that stuff anymore? We had to memorize and regurgitate stuff about computers from the 50s before they’d let us touch a keyboard.) Like the coffee thing. Like the granola bar thing, which I’m beginning to see played a large role in my digestive issues in my 20s and 30s. What you eat and drink and watch and read deeply affects how you feel and think, which in turn affects what you do and are. (There’s a bigger blog post in this thought; put a pin in it.)
  20. I feel like my 20s were spent spinning my wheels, and my 30s spent gathering my tools. It’s only now, in my 40s, that I feel like I’m beginning to live my life. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way.
  21. I’m much more of a morning person now than I ever was. I’ve found that you can choose to be a morning person, by pushing yourself to get up and making a few lifestyle adjustments to make that suck less. I likely would not be a morning person if I did not have children; the reason I get up this early is so I can have a bit of time to myself before the chaos starts anew. But I will probably continue to be one once they’re older; I like getting up with the sun now.
  22. I exist outside of religion. It’s not that I was never religious; I was, or at least I tried to be. But it never quite suited me, so I moved on. That doesn’t mean I think less of others for their religious beliefs. I don’t particularly care what you believe or why, so long as you don’t try to impose those beliefs on me and mine. Religion done right can be a good thing. It’s just that so often it’s used to belittle, exclude, and enslave, and that saddens me.
  23. Same thing with vegetarianism. I tried to eat meat; it didn’t work for me. The older I get, the more barbaric I find the practice; I could never go back to eating meat. But I’m not trying to convert anyone. (However, I’m more than happy to share delicious vegetarian recipes, if you’re interested.)
  24. In general, I’m a live-and-let-live kind of person. You be you and I’ll be me. If you must judge me, please wait to do so until I’ve left the room — that’s all I ask.
  25. I’m not quite the person I expected to grow up to be, but I’m not actually all that far off from what I’d imagined, all told. I just thought I’d be more confident that I know what I’m doing, is all.
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