And for a while, nobody died

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.”

― Robert Fulghum

Robert Fulghum is one of my adopted grandfathers.* He might be offended to hear me say that; he’s not really old enough to be my grandpa. But he has all of the qualities I could ask for in a grandpa, so I’m nominating him anyway.

Fulghum’s words have guided me since I was a young adult, and I think if we met, he would understand me on a level others do not. I have found more wisdom and solace and kinship in his writing than I’ve found pretty much anywhere else. And his words have stayed with me years after I first read them.

This is not the quote I was looking for, but it will do. The quote I was looking for was about dancing, or maybe fiddle playing. And about how when you’re caught up in it, for a while nobody dies. Something like that. I’ll have to look it up in his books, I guess, because the internet is letting me down.

Anyway. All of that was intended to lead up to this:

Anya is suddenly obsessed with death. With the idea of me dying, specifically. She seems to accept, though not happily, that someday her grandparents will die. But the thought of me dying has her crying herself to sleep. No matter how I try to reassure her (without lying; I’m not going to tell her that I will never die), she is inconsolable.

As am I. Because I know that someday, sooner than I care to contemplate, my parents will die. And R, and my children. And me. I will die. No matter when this happens, it will be too soon. And I can’t even. I’m in tears just thinking about thinking about all that.

There is only one cure for it. One thing that can fly in the face of death. Life. So we are going to live the hell out of life, until she stops fearing death so much.

Until we both do.

Loving:

My daughter’s nurturing soul. She caresses her brother’s cheek while he nurses. Rubs lotion on my back after I work overtime. She helps her father fold laundry. Helps her grandparents weed the garden. I love that she looks for a way she can help and pitches in without being asked.

Reading:

It’s been another week of crazy freelancing deadlines, so…pretty much nothing I didn’t get paid to read. But I did enjoy this blog article. (Seriously, go read that. It’s cute. It’s got little boys and spiders and snakes and hotels and the Grand Canyon. And it’s way better than I just made it sound.) And I found this interview with Barack Obama and Bryan Cranston a fascinating read.

Watching:

Getting caught up on my shows again, slowly. I’ve been trying to watch the same episode of Big Bang for three days now. (TV just really isn’t a priority.)

Listening to:

Chris Pureka still. Though I occasionally have to throw Anya some bubblegum pop to appease her.

Working on:

Website stuff. I’ve launched a craft blog: Sakura Oliver. It is a companion piece to my (currently empty) Etsy store. I plan to use it to talk about the craft projects I am working on, plus the things I help Anya make. Eventually we’re going to open an Etsy store for her, as well. I’ll post updates every Friday. (Hopefully.)

I am also updating my freelancing page; link to come.

Anticipating:

Mom and I are planning a girls’ day this coming Friday. No kids – just us. (I’m also dreading it because I can’t bear to be apart from my children, even when they are making me crazy.)

Making me happy:

Kai has learned that if he points at the candy jar, he gets candy. It’s adorable and messy and, at least thus far, only slightly inconvenient.

 

 

*My relationship with my actual grandparents was complicated, and they’re all gone now, but I am still in need of guidance and acceptance from my elders. I never outgrew my need for a grandpa.

Advertisements

One thought on “And for a while, nobody died

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s