I’m sick, but not really

I’ve felt like crap all week, but haven’t gone to the doctor. Mostly because I’m not sure what, exactly, he’d do. Because I’m not really sick; this isn’t a virus or anything. It’s allergies.

See, here’s the thing. When I was in college, I had this kind of crap a lot. I was outside all the time, plus the campus is in the middle of the city, so air pollution was an issue. Also, I chain-smoked, because college. In other words, I was surrounded by allergens constantly. When I say I went through this a lot, I mean I spent pretty much all semester congested and miserable, with a sinus infection and bronchitis and perhaps an infected ear or two. Month after month after month (with summers off, thankfully). For years.

Going to the doctor on campus was free, so I did (duh). Only they really could not help me most of the time. I was either not sick enough (they’d tell me to take Sudafed and get some sleep, which of course did not stop the progression to infection) or too sick I required heavy-duty decongestants and antibiotics they did not have on hand), and had to go to a “real” doctor).

After I got out of school, I mostly went to the minor med, because they were open after work and because my old GP’s office kept tossing out my records when I didn’t come in for a few months. They, too, would occasionally tell me I was not sick enough for them to help me. So now I have it in my head that I have to be “sick enough” to go to the doctor.

I’m not sure that’s the case with my current GP; I think he’d find a way to help me. Except with the breastfeeding, I’m not sure he can help me at the moment. What I need is something to dry up this mucus. But I can’t have anything like that right now.

I have drainage, and the sick, achy feeling in my head and chest that comes with a low-level infection, but no clear signs of “hey, I’m sick and require antibiotics.” So I’m self-medicating with some Flonase left over from my last illness and sleeping a lot in hopes that this junk will somehow right itself, or at least tip me far enough into Evidently Sick that I can justify taking off work to go to the doctor.

Maybe later today, if I don’t feel better, I’ll go in just so I don’t have to suffer all weekend if there is something to be done.


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