In my early years, fear was my motivator. Fear of failing, fear of being alone, fear of being with the wrong person, fear of disappointing my parents, fear of getting hurt. Everything I did came from fear. It’s a sucky way to live.
I recently realized that I no longer operate that way. Now my motivator is guilt. Guilt that I am not working hard enough. Guilt that I am working too hard and not spending enough time with the kids. Guilt that I am neglecting my partner’s needs. Guilt that I neglected myself for so long. Guilt that I wasted all that time in my early adulthood being afraid of stuff instead of doing something cool. This is not a much better way to live, but at least I get shit done now.
I recognize that this state is temporary. Everything I feel guilty about will no longer be an issue someday. What will motivate me then?
I’m hoping for joy.