The next phase

In my early years, fear was my motivator. Fear of failing, fear of being alone, fear of being with the wrong person, fear of disappointing my parents, fear of getting hurt. Everything I did came from fear. It’s a sucky way to live.

I recently realized that I no longer operate that way. Now my motivator is guilt. Guilt that I am not working hard enough. Guilt that I am working too hard and not spending enough time with the kids. Guilt that I am neglecting my partner’s needs. Guilt that I neglected myself for so long. Guilt that I wasted all that time in my early adulthood being afraid of stuff instead of doing something cool. This is not a much better way to live, but at least I get shit done now.
I recognize that this state is temporary. Everything I feel guilty about will no longer be an issue someday. What will motivate me then?
I’m hoping for joy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s